another day, another dollar...

and I remain hopeful that tomorrow at work will be much better than Friday.


despite the ups and downs of the weekend, my head feels a hell of a lot clearer. 


Sometimes life has a horrible way of throwing you out of your comfort zone and putting you in situations that make it hard for you to know what to do.


As I've said before and I'll keep swearing by, whatever decision you make, make sure it's the one that you would like someone to make towards you.


In other words, treat others as you like to be treated yourself.


Everyday is the first day of the rest of your life and I fully intend to put my best foot forward and walk tall without the baggage dragging me down anymore...

so my Mama was right...

Honesty is always the best policy.

Don't matter what happens now, 

I've done the right thing and stayed true to myself.

You could call me a lot of things but one thing I would never do is set out to hurt someone because I know how it feels to be hurt myself and that is something that I would not want anyone else to feel.

So I think all you can do in life and what I intend to keep doing is, being true to myself and treating other people as I would like to be treated myself.

Word. 

So I'm in love...

Things that I have learnt in the last twenty-four hours:

• I desperately need to stop eating the pies...the crisps, the fried chicken and the food in general.
• Must stop drinking alcohol on such a regular basis.
• Must start sleeping at normal hour.
• (Most importantly), must stop wearing my heart on my sleeve.

I have also concluded that I am completely, head-over-heels, in love with love. 

The thought of it, the butterflies, the passion. All of it. Besides the heartbreak of course.

I think someone people are designed to be single and some are designed to be in love and I'm the latter. Maybe it's an insecurity thing but it is definitely not a good thing. I hope they truly do come to those who wait though...

The problem with girls is we're all ever so slightly psychotic deep down even though most of us do a good job of hiding it. In the awful dating stage, we've all already:

• Ruthlessly facebook stalked you and hunted out any threats.
• Within the first five dates, we've tested our names as 'in a relationship' with yours.
• We check our phones upto every 30 seconds when we're waiting for your reply.
• And yes, we do read your nice texts over and over and analyse every word.
• Don't think that we don't want to kiss you at the end of a date, we're just worrying about if you want to kiss us.

And most of all, no we will never let any of this on even if it means killing ourselves trying to be casual and play it cool. Any sane girl would rather this to save face and avoid you knowing the naked truth.

In return? Please do not play games with us;

If you like us, tell us.

If you have a girlfriend, tell us.

If you've got a problem, tell us.

If you want to kiss us, kiss us.

As my previous post states: 

The truth hurts but it doesn't kill. Lies cause scars that may never heal. 

C. xo

fact.

The truth hurts, but it doesn't kill. 

Lies cause scars that will never heal.

C Williams

Being in love with Love.

So right now, when the emotional form is giving me hardship, I've had to look elsewhere for my Love fix; inlovewithfashion.com - if you girls aren't already head over heels smitten with this website, you will be after reading this blog!


Although I usually keep my fashion bits and bobs to the article, I've decided to everyone who doesn't know about Love needs to! 


I first fell in Love after a hectic shift at work one day when I was desperately seeking out a outfit to wear to St Paul's Carnival here in Bristol. After hours of trawling around shops, I finally picked up a cute Cross Bust Dress with a vintage floral print. After trying it on successfully, I noticed on my way out there was a cute playsuit with the same print and fell even more in Love with it!


After picking up gems throughout the Summer from maxis to party dresses, I was soon hooked. So the best day of my life came when I discovered that I wasn't the only one and Love had a website and a facebook page full of treats.


Now like an obsessive girlfriend, I check their pages daily trawling through endlessly drooling over their beautiful offerings and the best thing about Love? They just get better and better, adding new stock regularly maintaining a fashion-forward focus yet still holding onto that degree of uniqueness and originality. If you don't believe me, just ask most of The Saturdays, Lydia from TOWIE and all the other celebrities who have been papped clad in Love.


As well as not having to worry that you'll be one of 30 girls in the same dress on a night out, you don't have to worry about pricey delivery charges as their UK delivery is free and arrives promptly in time for the weekend! Perfect.


Don't just take my word for it, let my favourite Love picks of the week do the talking:

Love Cinnamon Sleeveless Dress.

There are so many beautiful things about this dress and its versatility is most certainly one of them. It can be dressed up for a night out with statement earrings, an oversized clutch, legs out and killer heels or you can throw on a denim jacket over it and sandals for the day!

It is a shape for everyone as it accentuates your waist by cinching it in and then lets your legs do the talking whilst still being very classy. 

It comes nearly ten other colours so the choice is yours. Be warned that it is not an easy one as they are all b-e-a-utiful. 

Love Royal Blue V-neck Playsuit.

Being an absolute playsuit lover, naturally I have this is 4 different colours and my goodness is it worth it. The cross-bust shape is so flattering as it cinches you in to define your waist but doesn't cling to the bits you don't like either. What's more, it's Summer's hottest colour.

One of the most important things about this outfit is, the lovely soft material means you're not faffing about when you need a wee on a night out. It slips down and back up and looks as beauitufl as always. A true winner.

It truly is the playsuit for everyone too. So many girls have complained to me that playsuits don't suit them and I always explain that it isn't that but it's about finding the right playsuit and now I've found this one, I'll never stray. 

Nutmeg Wide Leg Trousers.

In my opinion, the Palazzo is Summer '11's most unique trend but the beauty of it is, its wearability. Just like its sister, the maxi, the palazzo is one for everyone. Perfect no matter what your shape and these are especially fabulous as you can cinch your waste in with the tie-belt. Beautiful.

They come in two colours which will both go with everything. At the moment, I've been wearing mine with a plain top and denim jacket for the day and a blouse tucked in with wedges and statement jewellery for the evening.

There's no need to feel self-conscious of the wide-leg. It's the new maxi so embrace it!

So now you know! I hope that helps and no doubt it won't be long before you are all head over heels in Love like myself. I'd be delighted to hear about what you love and what you're buying, blogbabes!

C. xo

stacey day.

Stacey day was as mint as always.


Although in true Stacey style, she nearly missed her first day at her new job due to a leg-waxing issue. Opposites attract has never been more prominent in two people. She is cool, calm, collected, somewhat forgetful but takes it in her stride. Completely unlike my stressing, planning everything to a tee, quadruple-checking, worrying arse. It's funny.


So I want with her to get her wax on then pottered around and bought some bargs for work from Primark: 

• Black waistcoat (£3),
• Grey blazer (£7),
• Fuchsia chiffon sleeveless blouse (£8),
• Orange sleeveless blouse with black trim and colour (£6),
• Pleated camel maxi skirt (£12).

Okay okay, the last three are definitely more for recreational use but the blouses can multitask so I didn't do too badly.  On a massive Primark hype right now, they seem to be getting it more and more right with their fashion-forwardness. People moan about it but you need to know what you're looking for and (all systems) go. Hot trends they're channelling right now:

• Palazzo (Wide-leg) Trousers: They have so many options from florals perfect for the summer transition to navy/camel plain ones which can be dressed up or down with a blouse for a night out or a plain top and demin jacket for day (don't forget to check the office section for hidden gems).
• Colour-blocking: Colour-blocking is one to watch this Summer, it's a keeper. People are so scared off by colours that they don't realise what colour can do for them. Colbalt blue is my favourite thing at the moment. The reason it's so big is because it suits everyone's skin-tone from English rose to dark chocolate. It is a winner.
• Crops: Now anyone that knows me will know how I feel about the crop being over-worked and overdone. Primark are steering away from the tacky skin-tight bra-crop and we are seeing loose slightly cropped vests and tees which are amazing for everyone as for us curvy ladies, they look great livening up a tank top/leggings combo. Also remember, if it's got buttons, tie it up. All these buttoned blouses can be tied up for the a hot retro look. Boom!

So get yourself down there to stock up on your Summer essentials - don't forget the accessories section though. I could literally buy it all. They've cute straw bags, vintage-style satchels, wire headband galore, floral 'Raybans' and about everything in between. You know what to do!

Moving on...

My weekend plan:

Get absolutely shipwrecked.

Simples? It would be if people would man up and join me on yet another messy, messy bank holiday weekend. Friday and Saturday night - sorted but I'm a massive fan of Friday and Sunday so need to get the wheels in action for a messy Sunday too. I love bank holidays like Katie Price loves fresh cock. So I need to jump aboard the bank holiday camel and RIDE. Ha!

My verdict on Geordie Shore? 

MINT!

Loved every bit of it. Banterlicious.

Sleep time now, I think. I have a microdermabrasion appointment tomorrow...whatever that is! Cheers Stace!

C. xo

It is fundamentally unacceptable for any one person to possess all of the following qualities:

(a) be so fucking attractive,

(b) have the most perfect figure,

(c) be able to move like no one else,

(d) have the best voice ever.

What hope is there for the rest of us?!

life.

If I could pinpoint the exact thing that was making me feel so down at the moment, life would be sweet. However the main causes I can pinpoint are pretty unrectifiable without a gravity-defying doctor or a hitman, in that order of importance.

On the plus side, judging by the fact that I can hardly see this and pretty much everything else I try and look at, my vision is clearly decreasing by the minute which is a real bonus when I'm about to go into a job where I'll be pretty must based at a computer 8 hours a day. Thank you dearly, Kerataconus which has now ever-so kindly spread over both eyes. 

If only there was some kind of permanent and legal mood-elevator...I would demolish it like parcetomol on a hungover. In the meantime however, I have decided to write a list of action I can take to try and find my extremely well-hidden smile again that and just generally get me more organised. Of course, I'll share the appropriate bits with you (true love! ha).

1. Teach the ex a well-deserved lesson, a lesson delivered by a notorious hitman. 
2. Fall in love again just not with a viciously selfish arsehole to avoid (1) in future.
3. Set-up ebay store, sell in a 'if it's not been worn in 3 months, bye-bye.' method.
4. Buy appropriate devices to pack-up stuff in ready for the dreaded move.
5. Start to fill said appropriate devices.
6. Never ever let anyone make you feel as shit as (1) has.
7. Save designated amount per month in new job to fill 'savings' account (Mulberry fund).

This time next week, I'll be tucked up in bed, getting a sleep in before new job. Scary, scary times which also reminds me of:

     8.  Buy suitable unslutty black tights and shoes that sole is not peeling off on to avoid fall.

     9.  Buy sleeping tablets from Wilko.

I'm not convinced that I am ready to grow up and have a proper job yet. 

My room is a shrine to JLS, I'm obsessed with Disney Princesses and my favourite film is Harry Potter.

I'm definitely not ready.

Fuck, I've practically got a degree, Uni's over and I'm only a fifth of a way through my life (hypothetically). 

Man, this thing is long. Life not this blog.

C.

no one knows.

No one knows.

The smiles of her sadness etched to her skin,

Hide each painful memory she fights to keep in,

Love lost as quick as burdens were gained,

She begs for relief to rid her of the pain,

With every step, she falls further behind,

Trapped and haunted by the ghost of her mind,

Hope and faith seem a thing of the past,

Buried deep beneath the faux clown mask.

And the hardest part of the hurt and the woe?

It's her best kept secret and no one can know.

C Williams.

proverbial bullshit.

So the weekend was amazing right up until the very last fraction of it.
Should have known it was too good to be true when I was thinking how amazing it had been.


Just my luck.


Talking of the devil, it always amuses me that people who say there's no such thing as luck are always the ones who have got it all.
Without the abilities of empathy and compassion, you are pretty much an absolute c-word.
There's very, very, very, very few things in life that I do before I open my oversized gob but although thinking doesn't always tend to be one of them; I firmly believe that before you starting giving off you need to stop and position yourself firmly in the other person's shoes. 
It always sounds so basic but the fact that I would never want to make anyone I care about feel a way that I myself would hate to be made feel can make it so much clearer to focus sometimes.


I've never been sure if good things do come to those who wait but always remained hopeful that this was one of the more apt proverbs. For some strange reason, the only thing I genuniely seem to believe is that everything happens for a reason and they'll come a time when the shit-storm will end and you'll start to see the silver lining.


I bloody well hope so anyway.

revised cures for heartbreak.

Cure number 1: There is no cure.

fmal.

fuck my academic life, that is all.

waiting room.

Cliche as it may sound, I'd describe life right now as...

 that feeling you get when you're sitting in the waiting room for an interview before you go in; no idea if how it's going to go. Obviously you're hopeful that it'll go well and things will be good but there's also that worrying feeling that you'll fuck it up like you've fucked up so many before.

I suppose this analogy only shows that if even if you do fuck it up in life, you learn from your mistakes and can try and do better anyway. Also I suppose like in interviews, if there's no hope, there's no point. If you can't believe in yourself, you've already failed.

Failure not dissimilar to the fate that I will face if I don't pull my finger out pronto and revise for Friday's exam. Along with the few thousand other things that I would like to change about myself; my procrastination, laziness and leaving everything to the last minute are near the top of the list.

If something exciting doesn't happen by the end of the week for me to report on here, I will possibly accept that my fate is to be on the Jeremy Kyle show wearing Kappa trackies and a velour hoody.

kerry crackona.

Bloody well irritates me watching Slutty Sluttona on TV whining about her life and how she has no money and bla bla bla bla, pooor me.
ARGHHHHHHHHHH!


Think of all the people bankrupt by no means of their own who have no cushty little management company to bail them out; the least of their worries is keeping their kids in private education and their next OK! magazine cover.


The bint admits to having millions at points. Now I'm no fucking drug-dealer but I'm pretty sure it takes a hell of a lot of crack to sniff away millions of pounds!


And I'm going to go out on a controversial whim here but I don't blame that ape-like gormless shit 'Mark'. No matter how drugged up you were, you notice someone buying thousands of pounds of expensive cars and racking up debt no end. It's ridiculous. Why didn't she think of those poor children then? If she was that concerned about their welfare, any normal parent would have put some away in savings for them.


I don't feel sorry for her one bit, she deserves every bit of shit she gets. Most normal people have to get by and support a family and don't have the opportunity to get a tummy-tuck and some new boobs and reinvent themselves by selling what's left of their soul. They just get on with it and they don't bloody moan.


And to make out she does it 'for the kids', definitely weren't thinking of their welfare when you were cracked upto the eyeballs laid in bed, were you? The best thing she can do for those kids is put them on the next flight to Australia to live with Bryan.


My final note on this rant is how insulting it is to people who have been treated for depression that she claims the reasons she's so 'tired' and slurring constantly is because of the Bipolar medication. Definitely that and not the hundreds of thousands worth of crack then isn't it? Twat.


If you're reading 'Our Kez', I hate you. That is all.

BBJ.

Be it procrastination, insomnia or the looming University deadlines - it is unclear what has brought me here yet I find myself blogging my little heart out once more.

What's new?

Break-ups, excess consumptions of food and wine, unemployment and my new bestest mate: procrastination.
Basically, I'm the black Bridget Jones.

Some things have not and probably will never change though...like my overuse of the semi-colon and how all my money seems to shoot out of my card quicker than Rik Waller's diarrhoea.

The cure to a broken heart is still unknown however here are some top tips which I have discovered due to having mine ripped out while I was definitely not under anaesthetic, trod on, broken into tiny pieces and then shoved back in. Cheers, c*nt (as you can see I am not at all bitter and completely over it).

Post break-up DOs:

- Do drink as much wine as you can get your hands on. No need to stop at one modest glass, keep drinking until the whole relationship is a distant blur.
- Do put on Rihanna in this situation and no one but Rihanna (see don'ts).
- Do dutty wine around your room and pretend you're Rihanna. You practically are anyway so really go for it. It is completely acceptable to strip down to your bra and knickers whilst singing in a Jamaican accent.
- Do delete his number. And the text thread. And the call register. In extreme cases, you will have memorised the number, in which case switch some of the numbers round. You're less likely to text knowing it'll go to a random stranger/potential murderer.
- Do spend as much time as possible with the girls (see next point).
- Although it is clearly the absolute end of the world. You already know this and wallowing in a pit of your own self-pity only emerging for crisps, chocolate and diet coke will not only make you fat and ugly but eventually you will become a social retard and start listening to Susan Boyle.
- Do go out! Going out is fun. It is completely healthy to hate every man in the club because of your current situation but cocktails/wine/shots are actually medicinal for heartbreak. Trust me, I'm a doctor.

Post break-up DON'Ts:

- Adele. I know, I know, everything she says is so true and relevant. But unless she's going to bung you a few thousand to get your ex taken out, she is no use to you. You know it is bordering into addiction when you know every word and when the instrumental to Someone Like You starts and you've already brewed a tear. Turn it off.
- Do not by any means send wine-fuelled texts expressing your hate/love. YOU WILL REGRET IT IN THE MORNING. Write the text out and then hide your phone, if you still want to send it in the morning, do but I can guarantee it you won't want to.
- Do not follow my example and replace sex with snacks. You will get fat and die. One of those was a lie but it's important you remember that no one will want you if you're 24stone with a failed gastric band.
- Do not watch too many rom-coms. They're like Disney films: enjoyable but completely disillusional of real life. Remember, they're made by Americans! Enough said.
- Do not try and bottle up how you feel. That's what your girls are there for. How many times have you been on the end of it? It is seriously helpful to pick every last fault in your ex and compare him to as many zoo animals as possible with your galdem.

The main thing to remember is you are not in fact dying and although it doesn't feel like it at all, you will get your smile back - it may take its time but it will come and until then...Pinot Grigio.

Just look at our Bridget :)

long time, no blog.

So, we meet again...

Thought it was time we reconvened as I watch Snog, Marry, Avoid. 
Classic case of the 'rah' gone wrong...spray tan booth in her garden for her and Mummy, funded by Daddy's credit card, explains the fact that she is practically as brown as me.
Fur bikinis should not be worn by people over the size of an 8. Fail.


I suppose I should focus on the purpose of this blog and not orange slags on BBC 3.


Update on my life?

Hectic week last week, topped off with a rendezvous in Syndicate which is like the jobcentre for weekends - the stench of BO, piss and benefits was overwhelming.
I could practically feel the braincells getting slowly sucked away from me. At least the streets of Bristol can feel safe knowing that those with criminal records are all under one roof...


Work brought out all the most annoying customers in the world. I swear they are taken in by my round, trusting face. I think its chocolate colour reminds them of a sweet sympathetic Galaxy bar which can be taken advantage off. 


Thinking about collating a selection of flashcards with phrases such as 'No receipt? NO REFUND' and 'Bringing back an item you got before Christmas? TURN AROUND AND WALK OUT.'


Just enjoying a couple of days of freedom before the return!


Buzzing for Wednesday party times, Fran's birthday weekend and seeing the lion.


More tomorrow...<3

insomnia.

Cannot sleep.
Fail.

And I have decided that I'd quite like to go back to about 2 months ago where everything was
a pretty stable level of 'just fine'.

I am a definite craver of stability and perhaps even, routine. It seems I do not cope so well
with this balancing act de vie, so to speak.

I wonder if I go to bed not reflecting on the day and thinking completely positive thoughts, if
things will perk up tomorrow in the form of my ASOS parcel, a good day at work and no bad news.

Considering it's taken a lot of energy not to even write a bracketed negative accompaniment to any
of those, I'm already well on the way!

I hope that if you're reading this, you have a lovely day, too...hopefully ;)

she is genius.

a poem.

She waits,

She waits on the cold lonely night,

Remembering the times, the smiles, the warmth.

She hates,

She hates the memories in her mind,

But she loves,

She loves how they flick on the light of her soul.

She is nothing,

She is alone,

All she ever wanted is so close,

Yet completely out of her reach.

She is suffocating,

Suffocated by memories,

Memories and dreams,

The reminiscal slowly wears her dow,

Grinding her bones,

A dead weight chained to her soul.

She cannot escape,

She opens her mouth,

But only she hears her screams.

The screams grow louder,

The shrill more unbearable,

The volume of desperation.

Her mind, 

Her mind is cluttered by the noise, the screams,

The screams that only she hears,

Trapped. She is alone.

And she waits.  

my first lottery ticket.

will be purchased tomorrow.

I need to buy my own island and get far away from the constant irritation that is my life.

Good news (for redheads), I will be holding an audition for gingers worldwide to accompany me, fan me on a shiftly basis over the day and ply me with my every need.

If you look like Bradley Branning or Ron Weasley, please get in touch.

<3

copyright.

sarah: you need to write books

23:49

me: a sex book maybe

23:49

sarah: yeh ud be good at rom coms i reckon

23:49

sarah: infact i think u culd get famous

23:49

sarah: i can see it

funny romantic / shopping etc

23:50

me: im going to blog your idea

so if i get famous

you can take the credit

so,

Wonderful night last night.
Danced like a crazy woman, drunk like an alcoholic and made an absolute fool of myself. Standard.
All soothed with a delightful pub lunch and reminiscal of the night's antics. Bliss.

Interesting how my life has about the balance of a fat trapeze artist. 
Return home to have my Jeremy Kyle viewing pleasure tainted by a series of crappy events.
But everything happens for a reason. I genuinely believe that. Life's way of turning your world upside down and metaphorically standing you in the back has some crazy karmatical pattern behind it. I hope.

Do not make someone a priority if they only make you an option.

An oldie but a goodie.
I think that's the worst part of caring about people; the vunerability.
As soon as you let your guard down, you open yourself up to be hurt.
And the more you care about someone, the harder it hurts.
Need to be more cold-hearted for sure.

On a much happier note, holiday is on the cards.
 Just need to find somewhere hot in Jan/Feb, which is apparently impossible.
Thinking Fuertuventura? All inclusive, 5 nights...get in my life.

Back at work tomorrow, not sure I'm mentally/physically prepared for the torrent of irritating customers but nothing can be worse than the crazy pointy Chinese 'I WAN REFWUND' lady. Haha.

Good night, world.

empathy.

Never judge a woman until you've walked 100 miles in her Louboutins.

Or in my case, UGGs.

sleep.

The best few hours of my entire day...goodbye twats, irritations, sadness, stress and hello fictional, wonderful world of dreams. <3

une.

Procrastionation has prevailed in the form of Eastenders.

Dreading the exam tomorrow, hard to think positive when revision consisted of the pitiful construction of a handful of flashcards at 4pm over a Dominoes pizza.

Oh well, bigger fish to fry, so to speak. Hate the feeling that everytime something goes wrong family-wise, my whole world literally stops and gets a prompt reshuffle into the perspective that nothing else matters. 

Everything is amplified by the fact that it's little Jake, who will never be over the age of about 6 in my eyes. The thought of him even being in hospital makes me want to jump in and take his place. 

Tomorrow is a new day and all that crap, hopefully tomorrow something shit will happen to one of the bastards in the world that deserves it and my little babe will be out of hospital and everything will be fine.

Literally cannot get my head into focus.

I hate the pressure of exams; how everything depends on that one moment, that one hour...succeed or fail.

It seems so meaningly unimportant in the grand scheme of things and the irony about reading other peoples' autoethnographies and reflecting on them is ridiculous. 

'Things could be worse' is completely irrelevant when someone you love most in the world is seriously ill in hospital because the last thing you want to think about is the situation being any worse. 

The feeling of having no control over the situation is the complete worst thing.

All you can do is cross your fingers and hope for good news.