long time, no blog.

So, we meet again...

Thought it was time we reconvened as I watch Snog, Marry, Avoid. 
Classic case of the 'rah' gone wrong...spray tan booth in her garden for her and Mummy, funded by Daddy's credit card, explains the fact that she is practically as brown as me.
Fur bikinis should not be worn by people over the size of an 8. Fail.


I suppose I should focus on the purpose of this blog and not orange slags on BBC 3.


Update on my life?

Hectic week last week, topped off with a rendezvous in Syndicate which is like the jobcentre for weekends - the stench of BO, piss and benefits was overwhelming.
I could practically feel the braincells getting slowly sucked away from me. At least the streets of Bristol can feel safe knowing that those with criminal records are all under one roof...


Work brought out all the most annoying customers in the world. I swear they are taken in by my round, trusting face. I think its chocolate colour reminds them of a sweet sympathetic Galaxy bar which can be taken advantage off. 


Thinking about collating a selection of flashcards with phrases such as 'No receipt? NO REFUND' and 'Bringing back an item you got before Christmas? TURN AROUND AND WALK OUT.'


Just enjoying a couple of days of freedom before the return!


Buzzing for Wednesday party times, Fran's birthday weekend and seeing the lion.


More tomorrow...<3

insomnia.

Cannot sleep.
Fail.

And I have decided that I'd quite like to go back to about 2 months ago where everything was
a pretty stable level of 'just fine'.

I am a definite craver of stability and perhaps even, routine. It seems I do not cope so well
with this balancing act de vie, so to speak.

I wonder if I go to bed not reflecting on the day and thinking completely positive thoughts, if
things will perk up tomorrow in the form of my ASOS parcel, a good day at work and no bad news.

Considering it's taken a lot of energy not to even write a bracketed negative accompaniment to any
of those, I'm already well on the way!

I hope that if you're reading this, you have a lovely day, too...hopefully ;)

she is genius.

a poem.

She waits,

She waits on the cold lonely night,

Remembering the times, the smiles, the warmth.

She hates,

She hates the memories in her mind,

But she loves,

She loves how they flick on the light of her soul.

She is nothing,

She is alone,

All she ever wanted is so close,

Yet completely out of her reach.

She is suffocating,

Suffocated by memories,

Memories and dreams,

The reminiscal slowly wears her dow,

Grinding her bones,

A dead weight chained to her soul.

She cannot escape,

She opens her mouth,

But only she hears her screams.

The screams grow louder,

The shrill more unbearable,

The volume of desperation.

Her mind, 

Her mind is cluttered by the noise, the screams,

The screams that only she hears,

Trapped. She is alone.

And she waits.  

my first lottery ticket.

will be purchased tomorrow.

I need to buy my own island and get far away from the constant irritation that is my life.

Good news (for redheads), I will be holding an audition for gingers worldwide to accompany me, fan me on a shiftly basis over the day and ply me with my every need.

If you look like Bradley Branning or Ron Weasley, please get in touch.

<3

copyright.

sarah: you need to write books

23:49

me: a sex book maybe

23:49

sarah: yeh ud be good at rom coms i reckon

23:49

sarah: infact i think u culd get famous

23:49

sarah: i can see it

funny romantic / shopping etc

23:50

me: im going to blog your idea

so if i get famous

you can take the credit

so,

Wonderful night last night.
Danced like a crazy woman, drunk like an alcoholic and made an absolute fool of myself. Standard.
All soothed with a delightful pub lunch and reminiscal of the night's antics. Bliss.

Interesting how my life has about the balance of a fat trapeze artist. 
Return home to have my Jeremy Kyle viewing pleasure tainted by a series of crappy events.
But everything happens for a reason. I genuinely believe that. Life's way of turning your world upside down and metaphorically standing you in the back has some crazy karmatical pattern behind it. I hope.

Do not make someone a priority if they only make you an option.

An oldie but a goodie.
I think that's the worst part of caring about people; the vunerability.
As soon as you let your guard down, you open yourself up to be hurt.
And the more you care about someone, the harder it hurts.
Need to be more cold-hearted for sure.

On a much happier note, holiday is on the cards.
 Just need to find somewhere hot in Jan/Feb, which is apparently impossible.
Thinking Fuertuventura? All inclusive, 5 nights...get in my life.

Back at work tomorrow, not sure I'm mentally/physically prepared for the torrent of irritating customers but nothing can be worse than the crazy pointy Chinese 'I WAN REFWUND' lady. Haha.

Good night, world.

empathy.

Never judge a woman until you've walked 100 miles in her Louboutins.

Or in my case, UGGs.

sleep.

The best few hours of my entire day...goodbye twats, irritations, sadness, stress and hello fictional, wonderful world of dreams. <3

une.

Procrastionation has prevailed in the form of Eastenders.

Dreading the exam tomorrow, hard to think positive when revision consisted of the pitiful construction of a handful of flashcards at 4pm over a Dominoes pizza.

Oh well, bigger fish to fry, so to speak. Hate the feeling that everytime something goes wrong family-wise, my whole world literally stops and gets a prompt reshuffle into the perspective that nothing else matters. 

Everything is amplified by the fact that it's little Jake, who will never be over the age of about 6 in my eyes. The thought of him even being in hospital makes me want to jump in and take his place. 

Tomorrow is a new day and all that crap, hopefully tomorrow something shit will happen to one of the bastards in the world that deserves it and my little babe will be out of hospital and everything will be fine.

Literally cannot get my head into focus.

I hate the pressure of exams; how everything depends on that one moment, that one hour...succeed or fail.

It seems so meaningly unimportant in the grand scheme of things and the irony about reading other peoples' autoethnographies and reflecting on them is ridiculous. 

'Things could be worse' is completely irrelevant when someone you love most in the world is seriously ill in hospital because the last thing you want to think about is the situation being any worse. 

The feeling of having no control over the situation is the complete worst thing.

All you can do is cross your fingers and hope for good news.