une.

Procrastionation has prevailed in the form of Eastenders.

Dreading the exam tomorrow, hard to think positive when revision consisted of the pitiful construction of a handful of flashcards at 4pm over a Dominoes pizza.

Oh well, bigger fish to fry, so to speak. Hate the feeling that everytime something goes wrong family-wise, my whole world literally stops and gets a prompt reshuffle into the perspective that nothing else matters. 

Everything is amplified by the fact that it's little Jake, who will never be over the age of about 6 in my eyes. The thought of him even being in hospital makes me want to jump in and take his place. 

Tomorrow is a new day and all that crap, hopefully tomorrow something shit will happen to one of the bastards in the world that deserves it and my little babe will be out of hospital and everything will be fine.

Literally cannot get my head into focus.

I hate the pressure of exams; how everything depends on that one moment, that one hour...succeed or fail.

It seems so meaningly unimportant in the grand scheme of things and the irony about reading other peoples' autoethnographies and reflecting on them is ridiculous. 

'Things could be worse' is completely irrelevant when someone you love most in the world is seriously ill in hospital because the last thing you want to think about is the situation being any worse. 

The feeling of having no control over the situation is the complete worst thing.

All you can do is cross your fingers and hope for good news.